For this week's installment, I'm going way back to my childhood. That's not to say that this week's profilee and I aren't in close contact these days, just that I've known him longer than anyone not in my family. As such, I consider him family - so consider this a "from the heart" Profile In Hatred.
Bryan Lee Copeland was raised on the outskirts of Blanchard, LA, growing up next door to me. I remember walking around the lot where our house was to be built with him in the summer of 1979, looking for dinosaur tracks in the dirt. And this brings us to the origin of the Copeland family.
Most of us Anglo-Americans have European ancestors who crossed the Atlantic at some point over the last few centuries to escape tyranny, religious persecution, the Man or some other such oppression. While Bryan's mother's family has roots in Scotland, the Copeland side of the family is reputed to have spontaneously "risen up from the ground" somewhere in the Great Plains or Texas. The exact way this would transpire defies explanation, but who am I to quibble about the history of a guy's family?
As I've known Bryan for almost thirty years, I've seen him grow from a four-year-old happy-go-lucky guy to a wizened and hateful adult. Normally I'd be hesitant to say that about a friend for fear that this would anger them. Not Mr. Copeland. He's in touch with his hate. He's known to say "I hate everyone." I think on some level he's quite serious about this. Bryan is one of those few people who will tell you exactly what he thinks even (and especially) if it's not what you want to hear.
Some of this is probably a product of his genes. It would surprise no one to know that the Copelands of Carthage, TX are a stubborn lot. From Lee Copeland (Bryan's dad) declaring that only the stupidest people in society are picked for service on a jury (before he was tapped as a jury foreman) to Vera Copeland (Bryan's 90# Grandmother, now deceased) buying a .357 Magnum REVOLVER for personal protection.
Still, I think I may have had a hand in this corruption of my good friend. Just before the start of my senior year in high school, I met this girl for whom I fell hard. Unfortunately (or very fortunately, as I now see it), I had just started dating someone and I would have felt too guilty about "cheating" on my girlfriend at the time (8 years of Catholic education was apparently good for something). So I had the brilliant idea - I'll set up this burning-love girl with my best friend Bryan. Great Idea!
At the time I was woefully inexperienced in the ways of the fairer sex and entirely ignorant of psychiatry. But let's just say this: in retrospect I think this young lady was a seriously Borderline Personality Disorder owner (to those not in the field: think Glen Close in Fatal Attraction - How would you like your pet rabbits cooked?). After a year of torturing good old Bryan (and me too, by proxy) they broke up. But I think this may have been the end of the happy-go-lucky Bryan and the birth of the anti-social "f*ck all y'all" Mr. Copeland that I know and love.
When we were in college, Bryan launch his unfolding political career. The year was 1995 and he set forth the idea of running for President in 2012 (the first year he'll be legally old enough to do so). I snaked my way into the spot of campaign manager, and I'm planning on staying on in some capacity unless I'm fired for my incompetence first. Anyway, Mr. Copeland's politics can best be described as Militia Libertarian. While he believes in small government built primarily to defend the borders, he is not a proponent of The Patriot Act or any government policy infringing on the privacy of its citizens. He also believes in the protection of the Second Amendment, even going so far as to issue private citizens (not convicted of felonies) the right to a certain number of "kills" every few years. This is a revolutionary idea in peace through strength: that mild-mannered neighbor might be able to legally shoot you if he is provoked.
As the campaign's initial slogan was "Better The Devil You Know," I think it's a bit of a shame Bryan couldn't have gone up against Barack Obama this past election. While Copeland is somewhat light on prior political experience, he could hardly ask for an opponent so woefully inept in all other types of experience. But I digress. "Better The Devil You Know" is a slogan that could be used to justify just about any extreme position. For example: "Yes I do favor cutting all income taxes for the next year to stimulate the economy. And yes, I realize that may play havoc with the deficit, but my opponent has all kinds of hidden social programs that will infringe upon your freedom and nearly double the debt. No Taxes in 2009! Better The Devil You Know!"
What really sets Bryan apart for the Profile in Hatred Award is his thorough lack of faith in his fellow man. It's not that Bryan seeks to cause bad things for his fellow man; it's just that he's quite sure that they all are beyond redemption and quite hopeless. A half-empty view you say? Maybe? Or is he really onto something?
One of the annual retreats that Bryan, I and several of our friends make every year is to Gen Con, which is a gaming convention in Indianapolis, IN. I mention this because it was the site of one of the best episodes of Copeland aggression that I can remember. So, we're browsing through one of the displays of the various vendors when I overhear Bryan's exchange with one of the guys manning the booth:
Booth Guy: Can I help you with something?
BC: No, I'm just looking.
Booth Guy: Well, let me know if you need some help.
BC: I just told you I didn't need any help. I'll ask if I need your help. If I can't just browse, I won't buy anything from you.
Booth Guy: Man, no offense. My wife tells me I'm a pretty personable guy.
BC: That sounds like poor judgment on her part; now leave me alone.
Booth Guy: <Stunned silence>
That's love of fellow man, ladies and gentlemen. And maybe someday I should recount Bryan's banning from Dillard's. But that's another story for another day. Tonight, I will try to lure my hateful friend up onstage to play some hateful blues music. Wish me luck...
